Here, In My Head (part two in a series)

[octothorpe]

Last week-end was, in the moment, one of the best week-ends I've had in awhile. I got to play host to notdefined, and see some folks I haven't seen in ages. It was also one of the worst week-ends I've had in awhile, as it became clear how much of a mess I've been this last year.

One of the big problems I have is over-planning. Not so much day-to-day stuff, as I tend to be the exact opposite. It's the big stuff that I over-plan, making it ultimately impossible to move forward. I need to know everything before I can move forward. All the details need to be known, everything categorised, put in place. Of course, this can never really happen. You can't know all the unknowns, and accurately plan for every possibility.

My photography "guru" once said "You're done. Stop. Print it". He was right in more ways than the obvious. I come back to that every now and again when I see myself spinning my wheels, unable to move. Why is this time different? Perhaps it's the perfect storm of all three life aspects (Domestic, Social, Work) converging in a miasma, depriving me of oxygen.

Part Three will hopefully come this week-end. It'll describe my current situation in the three life aspects. Part 4 will be about goals. Part 5 should be about creating the steps toward those goals.

Some of these will be friends-only (like the first of this series).

Wish me luck.

Comments

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Believe me, I understand. I suspect this effect is somewhat MORE true of you than it is of me, but I have my own case of it.

Self awareness never hurts (although clearly it can be painful) and the fact that you're attempting to work through this is good.

But seriously, I know what you mean. Being able to let some of my art out into the world when I'm aware of its flaws is big stuff, and years in the making. You're on a good path.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

I'm also really fucking lazy when it comes to doing things for myself. I've got to get over that as well. That's why, even though I didn't write about what I wanted to write in this installment, at least I put *something* relevant down, which will just add to the big picture. It's so easy just to not do something. I can't keep doing that.

Much love, sweetie. I've been thinking about you as late. Hope you're well.

[mh58.livejournal.com]

Love it ... part3, part4 ... all planned out. What step does someone stop you and tell you you are done? ;)

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

I'm waiting for the little plastic thingie in my thigh to tell me that =)

[guiser1.livejournal.com]

Very good use of miasma.

Come see us Friday.

xoxox

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

I would love to (I saw your post), although I can't do dinner, as I have plans with some other LJers from out of town... at least I *think* that's supposed to be friday. Can I get together afterward?

[rsc.livejournal.com]

I have plans with some other LJers from out of town... at least I *think* that's supposed to be friday.

Is that us? Friday is the contra dance -- were you in fact planning to come? Did I somehow not see some email? Last I knew we hadn't settled on a date and time.

(If it's not us, never mind.)

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to your email... I was out of contact over the week-end, then got inundated with workstuffs. My apologies. And yes, it was you that I referred to in the prior reply.

As for the dance itself, I don't think I will go, but I still would like to do dinner. I'll reply to your email in a bit.

[guiser1.livejournal.com]

Indeedy. I think we'll be at Bongo for the entirety. Call or email when you're available.

[bear-left.livejournal.com]

Boy do I identify with a lot of this... I have so much planned out... and shockingly, life is not really unfolding according to plan.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

It never does! And yet, we continue to plan, and wonder WTF.

For most of my adult life, I've worked for myself, so planning had to be a huge part of living. I knew I'd never see a job pension, so I saved up everything I could, for the day I retire. I'm super cautious with money, and consequently, I've no debt. However, the other stuff? Those plans were either irrelevant, or just plain wrong.

I need to remind myself to breathe, and let go.

[bear-left.livejournal.com]

Heck, at least you did the money part right. I'll be (seriously) lucky to be out of debt by the time I'm 70.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I have this tendency myself ... one of the ways I stop the nonsense is to remind myself that there is no such thing as a perfect decision or a perfect plan.

I'm holding you close in my heart and thoughts ... So happy that you got time with Tommy and the others.

HUGS!

[fogbear.livejournal.com]

Wow, good luck!

My similar-yet-different problem is to so thoroughly map out all the prerequisites of a given Big Project that I get overwhelmed and the Big Project gets put on hold. "Well, yes, I'd like to have the outside of the house painted, but seriously, I should really replace those old rotting windows rather than painting them again, and if I'm replacing those, I should replace that other one, and then, oh yeah, the windows won't match on that side of the house so I should really replace all of them (even the new ones are 25 years old, and they're that anodized aluminum that hasn't aged well, so it would be much better), and of course I'll need to have some of the shrubbery trimmed back, but then I should really have that old spindly tree taken out and...." So the house still needs to be painted.

Seriously, good luck. I hope I get to see Part 5 for some wisdom that I could use myself.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reply. I've actually added you to my Flist, so you can go back and see "part 1", along with other parts that I'll write in the future.

[fogbear.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Part 1 was extremely illuminating and further cements my already-deep appreciation for the clarity of your thought and expression. gryphons_hole was absolutely correct when he told me I had to read your journal.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

Which on some level is ironic, as I've been posting quite a bit of fluff recently. Welcome aboard.

[fogbear.livejournal.com]

At the risk of coming off as a sycophant (or a stalker), I've been reading for several months. I've also noticed your comments in Gryph's journal and elsewhere.

Anyway, one can still write fluff with clarity and precision.

sorry to read this

[rockey1.livejournal.com]

sorry to hear that you had a bad weekend. hope you are well - - miss you btw

[annoyinghandle.livejournal.com]

Planning? What is this planning of which you speak? Clearly, I have the opposite problem, or maybe I'm just an "idea man" that not very good at implementation.

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

Speaking of planning, do you have Boston dates yet?

[annoyinghandle.livejournal.com]

Why, yes.

http://annoyinghandle.livejournal.com/161437.html

;{P}

[theoctothorpe.livejournal.com]

Good to know. With all those emails flying around, I thought the dates changed.